Sad child.

I fled Him, down the nights and down the days;

 I fled Him, down the arches of the years; 

I fled Him, down the labyrinthine ways 

Of my own mind; and in the mist of tears 

I hid from Him, and under running laughter. 

Up vistaed hopes I sped; 

And shot, precipitated,

 Adown Titanic glooms of chasmèd fears, 

From those strong Feet that followed, followed after.

"The Hound of Heaven" Francis Thompson

Everyday I tried to live life in a way so as not to feel the pain. But the pain did not disappear. It was there, it still is there and I'm afraid it always will be. It's like a monster that always follows you, you can escape but there comes a time when you're tired and you need a rest. You stop and look at the monster, you hug him. And he hits you in the stomach so it hurts. He can hurt you by talking to you also. Usually you run so you don't listen. But when you stop, then you hear what he's saying and your stomach starts aching and you begin to panic. You don't want to show him you're afraid because he will hit you even harder. That's my life. When I get into any close/romantic relationship the monster attacks. But then I guess I need to find something to distract him and run. Run as fast as I can. It's a real pity that studying makes it 10 times worse. I will take up work. And that is my advice to you. Work, run, do anything that makes you forget about him chasing you. I guess writing helps me too. Sometimes I wonder, do other people have feelings or is it simulation really? If you read this and feel the same way, leave a comment.